- Reword each of the corrupted messages below using whole messages to replace the original statement. (You’ll make up a scenario for each of the quotes below and express a “whole message”).
- Just as a reminder, use all four elements of the whole statement:
- Describe the other person’s behavior (your observation of what they objectively did or said)
- Express your feelings (make sure they’re actual feelings and not thoughts…for example feeling like someone isn’t listening to you is not a feeling, but feeling sad is). AND, remember to own your feelings (e.g., “I am upset” versus “you make me upset” or “I am angry” versus “it makes me angry.”)
- Give your interpretation of the other person’s behavior (thoughts).
- Express your need(s)/want(s).
Revision:
- Observation: The past three times I’ve asked you to go to dinner, you have said you can’t go.
- Feeling: I’m bummed because….
- Thought: I’m wondering if you’re really that busy or if you just don’t want to hang out.
- Need: Can we please talk about this?
- “You never want to hear my side of the story”
- Observation
- Feeling
- Thought
- Need
- “You need to be more responsible”
- Observation
- Feeling
- Thought
- Need
- “You’re a total control freak!”
- Observation
- Feeling
- Thought
- Need
- “You’re oversensitive.”
- Observation
- Feeling
- Thought
- Need
- “You never listen to me.”
- Observation
- Feeling
- Thought
- Need
- “You need to give me a little space.”
- Observation
- Feeling
- Thought
- Need